Sunday, December 30, 2012


My Uncle Mike passed away a few weeks ago, the weekend right before finals. It was a really tough week and I really didn't try to think about it at the time. I had way to many other things going on and that was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

Today I was looking at some odd emails, he use to send me those stupid joke emails all the time. Half the time I wouldn't read them or I would only read half of them but for some odd reason I never deleted them. I am so happy that I didn't delete them, I've spent the better part of today reading through them and laughing.

Please if you are easily offended don't read them or read them and don't get mad at me.

I got some of these funny stories in several emails...they all made me laugh so I thought I would share them with all of you.

Wrong Bitch:
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged French woman's poodle. 
The war weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired" She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog,tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"

Burglary In Florida:
When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was 'a generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder.'   (That's the way the police report described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said, 'that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time.'

Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: 'Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.' The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. Scotch taped to the box was this note which said:"Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No
hard feelings. Have a nice day."

And you thought California was the only
land of fruits, nuts, and flakes!

Only In America: Not really as funny but is the truth.
Only in America drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ....(I just want to make you think)
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Irish Coffee:
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor?

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor.  Give him an 'IrishViagra'.

It' s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee, he won't even taste it.

Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'

A week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!  T'was horrid!... Just terrible, doctor!'
'Really? ........What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.
He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!
With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cup and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters
and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop!
It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn'tgood?'
'Feckin jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show
my face in 'McDonalds' again!

Gun Safety: (This is an old interview).
Guns don't kill people. People with moustaches kill people...
Best comeback line (On Gun Safety)
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
Love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went momentarily silent and the interview ended.

Hope you enjoyed the laugh, if you are offended I apologize. 

Over and out, 
A Engineer in the Kitchen 

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Hank's First Christmas

All of Hank's presents from Big-D and me.

We weren't the only ones that got presents for Hank, I really wasn't expecting my mom, sister or brother to get my dog anything. I mean my mom hates dogs, I find this odd because 3 out of her 4 kids have dogs, but Hank got a really good personalized ornament from my mom. Got a cool light up ball from my sister and a box of extra large milk bones from Dakota (and my brother).

There was a squeaky toy in the bottom of his stocking, he enjoyed squeaking it inside the stocking. Said squeaky toy no longer squeaks.

Decent picture of Hank and his presents. 

I just like taking funny pictures of him and his tongue.

We got a lot of cool presents...will be posting about them sometime this weekend. 

What did you all get? Anything fun and awesome? 

Over and out,
A Engineer in the Kitchen

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Cookie Plates

I think we all have seen these things floating around the internet and Pinterest. Draw a design on a plate and put it in the oven and then it is permanent. It's makes a cool personalized gift.

I wanted to make a customized plate for some Christmas cookies and milkbones. I got some simple white square plates that we pretty cheap at Kohl's. I originally wanted color but I couldn't find anything that I loved, so I went with white.

The process to "make" these plates are pretty easy.
  1. Preheat oven to 350°.
  2. Make sure plates are clean and dry.
  3. Make design on plates using a Sharpie.
  4. Place plates in oven for 20 minutes.
  5. Shut off oven, allowing plates to cool in the oven.
  6. Remove from oven once cool.
Now off to make some cookies for Santa.

Over and out,
A Engineer in the Kitchen

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Fun Gift Tags

I love adding that special little touch to Christmas presents, whether it is something simple like ribbon or bow or something a little more elaborate like customized gift tags or wrapping paper.

I pinned or liked (I tend to like more things then I pin) on Pinterest where someone used a word-search to label a present but wasn't able to find the pin (grrr). I really liked the idea but I am very practical we have big families and that would have taken just to much time to do. So I thought it was would be cool to do word-search gift tags. They didn't cost that much to do since I already had paper, and card stock at home, I used shipping tape to "laminate" them. I didn't want to do anything to expensive since I knew 97% of them would end up right in the trash.

There were pretty simple to make.
  1. Used a online word-search generator and typed in the names. (Sometimes it was rather hard to find the name that was needed.)
  2. Cut around the edge, taped to card stock.
  3. Used shipping tape to "laminate" the gift tag.
  4. Attached to present.
I really liked the way they turned out, however, some are like twice the size at the gift. Maybe next time I will make the font a little smaller in word.

Anyone else like to add special touches to gifts? Are you like Big-D, if it has a bow on it, its good enough?

Over and out,
A Engineer in the Kitchen

Lots going on!

Sorry for being MIA the last week or so, had finals all last week so life got busy. Happy to be done with school for a month, I now have lots of time for Hank and those missed walks. Oh and I finally got to do a good clean on the house, OMG the dirt Hank brought in with his was ridiculous.

Anyways, I have spent the last weekend doing a couple things for the holidays around the house. A couple of fun projects and I have lots of recipes to share. I have a couple DIY gift projects (one that I still need to finish up).

I hope you all forgive me for the lack of post over the last week and stay tuned, lots of fun stuff to come up in the next week.

Over and out,
A Engineer in the Kitchen

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Hank & Santa

Hank got to meet Santa for the very first time. Except for him dragging me through out the mall, it was a pretty uneventful experience. Once again we got a million compliments on how beautiful he was.

This was the second picture they took, the first was good he was looking in the right direction but I opted to try one more time. I am glad I did he looks happier in this one then he did the other one.

Anyone else take their dog/children to see Santa?

Over and out,
A Engineer in the Kitchen

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Actually Looks Like A Room

One of the other things that we managed to complete this weekend was putting up drywall in the new laundry room. Once the drywall started to go on the walls, I informed Big-D that it is actually starting to look like a room. I think it was the fact that I could no longer see into the other room from the laundry room.

This was what we had done before lunch...I told Big-D that we weren't going to bed until we had it done because I needed to do laundry (like no clean clothes left need to do laundry).

This is how far we got before we had to leave to go to a birthday "party". We came home and went to bed...

This is what I came home to on Monday after school. Closet was finished and so was the the laundry. I guess the one nice thing about Big-D not having a job is that he was able to finish this project.

Oh yeah, he put up the rest of the drywall in the hallway as well.

I am kind of happy that I no longer look at studs when I walk in my to finish up the drywall in the living room and I will be a happy camper. 

Over and out,
A Engineer in the Kitchen

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Christmas Happenings

I feel like we didn't get a lot done this weekend but then when I look around the house, I feel like maybe we did get a little acomplished.

I have a million things that need to be done still for Christmas, including finishing up Christmas cards that need to be mailed out, finishing up two homemade presents and a million other things that need to be done around the house.

Here is one of the Christmas things that we managed to do this weekend...

Like I totally love this picture. 

Hank watched Big-D the whole time he was putting the tree together, he stayed on his bed like a good boy and we eventually allowed him to lay on his bed in the living room once the tree was no longer laying on the floor.  I allowed him to sniff the tree while I was putting lights up but he was more interested in drinking the water out of the stand. He behaved really well around the tree but we aren't going to allow him to be around the tree unsupervised (ornaments are still sitting on the counter).

Be kind of cool as a Christmas card?

While Big-D was putting the tree together I got to play with a slower shutter speed and low light. 

I think this one would make a cool Christmas card as well.

Before: No light (aka I turned the flood light off).

After: 0.5 second shutter speed, zoom burst.

After: 1 second shutter speed, zoom burst.

The only half way decent picture I have of Hank by the tree and I still don't even like it.

Ugh we have no light in the living room. We have a flood light that we use so we can work out there. I think I will have to try again maybe during the day and see if I like the result a little better.

All lite up, flood light on.

Before: All lite up, no flood light. (I have since then fixed the lower branch lights.)

 After: O.5 second shutter speed, zoom burst.

 After: 1 second shutter speed, zoom burst.

After: 2 second shutter speed, zoom burst.

After: 3 second shutter speed, zoom burst.

Any one else put their Christmas tree up last weekend? Any tips for taking really good pictures of your dog and Christmas tree? 

Over and out,
A Engineer in the Kitchen
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